I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
