Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
