girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
