I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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