I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You're like the curious george of whores
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
