One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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