fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
