you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
