Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
