he wants to bone in the snuggie
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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