I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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