By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
