i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
