mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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