Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
