How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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