I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
