Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
barbara walters just said penis...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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