And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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