I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
