maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
