What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He? As in you personified your dick?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
