You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
