this just has baby written all over it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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