Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize