I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
