we made out on top of his cat.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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