I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
