shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
