dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
