I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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