I cockslap morals
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
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The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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