I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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