And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
