How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
