I'm so fucking centered right now
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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