why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
are you so shy because you have an std?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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