Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
