I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
