he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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