I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
