She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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