Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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