I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize