Duck Duck Cougar?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
