Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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