You just made me feel so damn special
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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