I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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