Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
