Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
