It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
