2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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