I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
