I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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