so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
