I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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