just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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