I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
