he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
