Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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