that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
