Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
