haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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