You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
