There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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