I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
