I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
