She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
