Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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