some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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